


#EvilSpiderMan

by AdotHann



Series: The Action in the Street [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aaron Burr can't talk to women, Alternate Universe - Lawyers, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Pet Shop, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Animals, F/M, Gen, Implied cruelty to animals, M/M, Rabbits, Spiders, Theodosia is an actual godess, Thomas Jefferson is an Asshole, arachnaphobia, background lawyers, but not really, but the superpowers are kind of lowkey, honestly mostly pre relationship but the set up and angst is there, sorry @ tarantulas, tarantulas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 15:45:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10250576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdotHann/pseuds/AdotHann
Summary: In which James is afraid of spiders and Thomas is an asshole, Theodosia is wonderful and Burr is an idiot.-(Its the superhero au, with considerably less superhero)





	

Thomas had only ducked into the pet shop to get out of the rain for a few minutes, or at least that was what he had meant to do. That but had been a while ago now, and e could still hear the rain insistently hammering on the roof. If anything, it was getting worse. 

He was going to have to do _something_ soon though; the cashier was beginning to give him funny looks, and Thomas could only pretend to be interested in cat toys for so long. He shifted uncomfortably under the cashier's gaze, and reminded himself that he was a terrifying supervillain and that he was not afraid of uncomfortable social situations. He was, however, very afraid of ruining this suit.

Briefly, he considered texting Laf, who would be perfectly capable of fixing this _disastrous_ weather, (Thomas was fairly sure this sudden downpour had ruined his new suit jacket,) but decided he wasn't that desperate. It was never a good idea to owe the Marquis a favour.

While browsing cat toys, now with Lafayette's rowdy tomcat in mind (the beast was accurately named after Thomas' _least_ favourite nemesis,) he noted, with some amusement, that the tarantula terrarium had been pushed as far away from the tills as possible. There were clear scrape marks on the floor.  
It didn't take super intelligence to work out why; as Thomas watched, the cashier gave the terrarium a wary glance, and Thomas smiled gleefully.

 

"Hi," He drawled, sauntering over to the counter, "I was wondering if you could help me with something." 

The cashier raised an eyebrow. Thomas' grin widened. 

"I'd like to look at the tarantulas."

For a second, the cashier - James, if his name tag was to be believed - looked horrified, then he caught himself.

"Sure!" He said brightly, a rather fixed smile appearing on his face. Thomas stifled a laugh.

 

Warily, _James_ lead him to the display.  

"Not a fan of spiders?" Thomas asked as innocently as he could, and _James_ down-right glared at him. They both knew what he was doing. Then James seemed to remember that he was supposed to be polite to customers, and that he was probably supposed to get the spider out of the tank. He shivered.

Slowly he turned his glare on the tarantula cage, and started searching for the creature. Thomas watched with interest as his expression slowly morphed into one of to abject horror as he realised that the terrarium was empty. 

"Motherfucker." James whispered

 

The cage had a little door at the front, which hung open rather lamely, and from it came a trail of leaf-mulch that looked like it could have been left by a lot of legs trying to squeeze through a tiny gap at once. James was beginning to pale.

"I'm guessing that cage isn't meant to be empty." Thomas said, half-heartedly trying to hide his amusement. 

"No shit, Sherlock." James replied, his eyes suddenly narrowing, "Did you do this? I swear to God, if this is supposed to be some kind of joke-"

"Hey," Thomas raised his hands in surrender, "Messing with you a little is one thing, but releasing a tarantula just to cause panic is somewhat overzealous. Even for me." He added.

James nodded, his breathing becoming more and more erratic. "Those tarantulas are expensive too. I'm going to lose my job. Fuuuck." 

"Hey it's alright, we just have to find the tarantula right? No one needs to know it was ever gone." Thomas said confidently, "It can't have gotten that far." He looked around the shop, smile faltering a little. Honestly, who thought this building was suitable to be a petshop? It was like the size of a warehouse.

"You'd help me look for it?" James managed to sound sceptical and pleading at the same time, and honestly it was _adorable_. Thomas' cold, villainous heart practically melted.

"Why the heck not?" Thomas said easily. It was still raining, he had nothing but time.

“Thanks,” James said warily, “Why don’t we start by the ...reptiles?”  

 

Reptiles, of course, was on the other side of the shop and Thomas wondered whether James was actually trying to find the spider, or just hide from it.

Thomas couldn’t help noticing how close James was sticking to him, or how easily he jumped at small noises, or shadows, or just anything really. He toyed with the idea of casting an illusion; maybe a spider the size of a small Porsche in the middle of the shop, or perhaps _a lot_ of very small spiders, or both. His train of thought was cut off by James inhaling sharply at the sight of another shadow. Suddenly the urge to freak him out was... _depleted._

Well, he couldn’t be evil all the time.

 

By the time they finally found finally the tarantula (or, more accurately, by the time _Thomas_ found the tarantula,) they'd worked their way around reptiles and rodents, all the way through the Aquarium and finally arrived at dog collars.

Thomas watched in horrified fascination as the massive spider crept up the back of James’ shirt, like something out of a cliché horror flick. This situation could not have been more ridiculous if he had dreamed it up himself.

“So, you really hate spiders huh?” Thomas asked evenly, not taking his eyes of the tarantula.

“You could tell?” James said turning around to face him. Thomas watched the arachnid slowly creep onto James’ shoulder, and he laughed uneasily.

“So, hypothetically, if it was on your body right now, you’d totally freak out?”

“I guess?” James said warily. "Why do you ask?"

“Cool. Oh hey look!” Thomas said, pointing vaguely behind James, “There it is!”

As an after thought Thomas cast a hazy, half-hearted illusion in the direction he had just gestured. _Big and hairy and crawling_ , he told the wall, _with way too many legs._

“Where??!” James yelped, spinning around as his senses caught the edge of the illusion. Thomas gently plucked the arachnid off James’ shoulder.

“Right here!” Thomas held the spider out for James to inspect. James shuffled away.

“Was that on me?”

“No?” Thomas said, feigning innocence. James glared at him, and then at the tarantula, before deciding that he really didn't want to know what had just happened. He could burn this sweater later.

“Right. Thank you so much, I’m so sorry about all of this.” James said, more than ready to put the spider back in its cage and just be done with it. Thomas smirked.

“Oh it’s no problem,” Thomas said brightly, “How much did you say she costs?”

“Really?” James asked a little disgustedly, watching the spider crawl along Thomas’ arm. “I thought you we’re just being an asshole.”

“Well, after all that effort I’m kinda attached to her.” Thomas looked at the spider in his hand and grinned. "Hey, do you know where I can buy these in bulk?"

 

* * *

 

Aaron had never really meant to become a super villain. Well. That was half true. It wasn’t like he’d tripped over and fallen into a spandex suit and mask, but picking sides had definitely been accidental. He’d been aiming for the moral grey area, and he’d missed by a mile.  
He still insisted that he wasn’t actually a super villain; after all, _villain_ implied that he was inherently evil. He wasn’t. He’d just gotten in with the wrong people.

His ‘attacks’ never actually hurt anyone, if he could help it; he didn’t brainwash or rip through civilians like the Manipulator, or go crazy for collateral damage like The Marquis. No, when he acted it was much more specific; surgical, even.

Aaron was all about capturing people’s attention. Or, someone’s attention anyway. Make headlines, go big or go home, be in the room where it happens. His skill set wasn’t really suited to it; he preferred his secret identity to be invisible and his costumed self to be the centre of attention, not the other way around.

Ah well, Phantom made do.

 

He lifted the painting – modern art, not his usual MO, yet more than expensive enough to make headlines – off the wall, with no regard for the alarms he set off. He gave it 20 seconds before _she_ got here. He’d probably make it to the west wing of the gallery before then. Perfect. Maybe he’d even get out of there with the painting, though he had no clue what he’d do with it. Most of the background was purple, maybe Thomas would like it.

Someone behind him cleared their throat. Aaron spun around to face her.

“Phantom.” She inclined her head in acknowledgement. The familiar tone was warm, if a little exasperated.

“Ms Miracle.” He said.

 _Theodosia_ , he thought.

 

* * *

 

 _John Laurens_ @SuperWatch

#MsMiracle onsite as #Phantom attempts to rob Richard Rogers Contemporary Art Gallery!

[picture attached] 

 

* * *

 

Theodosia was stunning. Six ft of pure strong-will and a mind sharper than her eyeliner, drop dead gorgeous and built like a brick house. And that was before he found out that she was Ms Miracle, the real-life Wonder Woman, New York’s badass golden girl of superheroes. She fights crime in high heels.

Aaron had never been able to work up the courage to ask her out, so logically the next best thing was dressing up in tight clothing and fighting her on a regular basis.

...Yeah, he didn’t know how he’d made that leap either.

 

“You know,” said Theo, no, _Ms Miracle_ when they’re in costume, “This would go a lot quicker if you just gave me the painting and turned yourself over to the cops outside.”

“Why would I ever do that?” He asked, grinning. The familiar banter was nothing they didn’t do five days a week.

“Better question,” Ms Miracle interjected, gesturing to the painting “What exactly is that supposed to be?”

Perplexed, Aaron looked down at the mesh of purple shapes on the canvas. “I don’t know - expensive, apparently. I’ll never understand modern art; I’m more of a pre-Raphaelite person.”

“Then why steal it?” She asked, perplexed.

“It passes the time.”

She sighed and assumed a fighting stance.

 

* * *

 

 _John Laurens_ @SuperWatch

Breaking News: Chaos at @BNYMellon as #Manipulator releases hundreds of Tarantulas 

|

 _John Laurens_ @SuperWatch

#TheIllusionist is now on site, and ready to defend our financial system!

[picture attached]

 

 _Angelica Schuyler_ @Actually_Angelic

@SuperWatch This situation is a new kind of stupid #EvilSpiderMan

 

* * *

 

Aaron lost the fight, but that was okay. Maybe he’d win tomorrow, just to mix things up a bit. It wasn’t really about winning anyway.

With their lunch break over, the supers went back to their normal lives and Aaron Burr walked into Theodosia Prevost's office to talk about the Weeks case as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened (after all, nothing out of the ordinary had happened; Aaron and Theo just had a skewed perspective of normal.) Aaron's entrance interrupted Alex mid way through his passionate speech. As usual.

 

“- And you really aren’t handling this well.” Theodosia said, not looking up her laptop. Hamilton groaned. 

“I just don’t understand where he got _that many tarantulas!”_

Aaron, still standing in the doorway, cleared his throat. “Were you talking about the recent Manipulator attack?”

Alex froze, but Theo smiled easily. “Nah, its Alex’s latest case. Some dude smuggling exotic animals into the country.”

“Oh really?” Aaron asked, trying not to sound suspicious, “That sounds fascinating, could I see the brief?”

Theodosia gave Alex a meaningful look, and he handed over a sheet of paper that Aaron could have sworn was blank just a moment ago. The writing wavered a little before his eyes. Aaron shook his head, _too much coffee._

“Seems... Interesting.” Aaron said, handing Hamilton his brief.

“What did you want, Aaron?” Theodosia asked sweetly. Aaron smiled.

“Of course. I’m to be your co-counsel on this case,” He held up the file, “I thought I’d deliver the brief.”

Theodosia’s smile widened. “Thank you, Aaron Burr, sir."

 

* * *

 

 _From ThomasThomas_ : Yo Ghostie

 _From ThomasThomas_ : Burr

 _From ThomasThomas_ : Bruh

 _From ThomasThomas_ : Aaron Bruh

 _From ThomasThomas:_ Did you get away with that painting?

 _From ThomasThomas:_ Can I have it?

 _From ThomasThomas:_ It goes with like my entire aesthetic

 

* * *

 

“Hey Jemmy,” Dolley called from the pet shop’s back room, “I’m supposed to be organising receipts, but I think there’s a mistake with this one?”

James looked up from the rabbits he was feeding. “Hmm? Which one?”

“It says here someone ordered 500 tarantulas through our shop.”

“Oh, no. No mistake.” 

“James, what the fuck?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure what I'm doing?
> 
> another update within 2 hours? yeeee


End file.
